Rayne's Passion

I remember watching the Incredible Hulk with my dad when I was little. I remember the opening intro to the show… how David Banner was a scientist… then “You don’t want to make me angry. You won’t like me when I’m angry.” I remember my dad joking about it later on… “You don’t want to make me angry. You won’t like me when I’m angry.” It was a running joke in my family. Don’t take dad’s dessert, he may get angry! Ha! What I remembered about the show was that David Banner the scientist was always put in situations where he had to save someone from the evil villain. Maybe it was an abused child, or a single mom, or the owner of the orphanage. He was the hero. He saved the day. And always took out the bad guys to save the innocent.

Okay. I can get mad. Sometimes about something someone said to me or maybe at something I thought they said about me or my family. I have been known to assume a negative connotation in what they said. Then there was the time that I was offended at something I knew or assumed was directed at me.

Or how about the time that I chose to be offended on someone else’s behalf like the Hulk (otherwise known as offense by proxy)? They said this about my child? My husband? My sister? My dad? My mom? My _____. These are borrowed offenses. The borrowed offense is one we take up for what someone has done or said to someone we love or care about other than ourselves.

Oooooo that makes me mad. I take on that person’s offense. But is it right? We can be mad. We can even be angry. But it is what we choose to DO with that emotion is the rub.

Romans 12:18, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge, I will repay, says the Lord.’ “

Being offended for someone else can seem like a very justified emotional stance. If we’re offended it must mean that we have standards, morals, and/or know right from wrong. It must also mean that we know how to behave and what to say at all moments, and why the heck doesn’t everybody else? Why can’t people be more like us? So, was that my problem when I took so much offense? Well, yes. The term “indignant” could certainly be used to describe me back then, but only because I was also a tad self-righteous. Okay. Not a tad. I WAS selfrighteous. Is this God’s way? Is this God’s plan? Are WE to butt in and be the hero and save the day?

“Lord, who may abide in Your tabernacle? Who may dwell in Your holy hill? He who walks uprightly, And works righteousness, And speaks the truth in his heart; He who does not backbite with his tongue, Nor does evil to his neighbor, Nor does he take up a reproach against his friend” (Psalm 15:1-3).

We are not to take up an offense on behalf of someone else. This is when we harbor ill-will against a person for what they did to someone else.

Sometimes offended persons will seek sympathy from naive, listening ears. They go about pleading their case, pouring out their bleeding-heart of injustice to those sincere, tenderhearted persons who will listen. Their goal is to seek out persons who will coddle them, support their opinion and take up their offense against the offending party.

Proverbs 6:16-19 shows how God hates this type of action.
“These six things the LORD hates, yes, seven are an abomination to Him: A proud look, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that are swift in running to evil, a false witness who speaks lies, and one who sows discord among brethren.”

You should love and encourage a friend with hurt feelings, but reserve your opinion and avoid taking sides as 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 states; “Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous, love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offense, and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes. Love does not come to an end.”

I believe the message is this: this isn’t about us. We are not helping (or being the hero) by taking on the offense of others. It is hard to love our enemies if we’re mad at (or offended by) them. And we are not being peacemakers by talking to everyone we know about the “problem”.

Matthew 5:9, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the sons of God.”

Proverbs 26:17 Interfering in someone else’s argument is as foolish as yanking a dog’s ears.

The borrowed offense is more difficult to forgive than offenses that are against us personally. When you borrow an offense there is hardly an opportunity for reconciliation. The “offender” can’t come to you and repent if he doesn’t even know that you are offended. Also, we need to try to avoid hearing only one side of an argument or issue. What we hear may be true, but not necessarily the whole truth. We also need to avoid listening to an evil report about someone else, no matter how it’s disguised (even if it’s presented as a prayer request) – we are infected by it.

I don’t ever remember David Banner (the Hulk) checking the story before he got all angry. But it is important that we do not immediately “believe” everything we hear. If we are told something against our Christian brother or sister, we should be try to bring peace to the conversation. If we cannot immediately disprove it, it should die with us and go no further. Likewise, if a Christian brother or sister speaks ill of someone in your presence then immediately is sorry and apologizes, we should honor that and forgive. It should go no further. Strive for peace. Preserve their reputation. Think of your brother as high above yourself. For love will cover a multitude of sins.
Proverbs 19:11 says, “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.”

What do you do when others want to involve you in their offense? They may come to you for ‘advice’. (Gossip really). They may come to you with a ‘prayer request’ or ‘a matter of concern.’ (Let’s call it for what it is—gossip and hatred.) What do you do when the phone rings? When they corner you in the hallway?

Be committed to forthrightness, truth, peace and love. Encourage people who have been wronged to do the right thing. “Obviously this situation is bothering you a great deal. The Bible says that we are go to the one who offended us and work it out. Have you done that? If not, then we shouldn’t be talking about it. It is gossip. Go to this person with whom you have offense against and try to reconcile. If you are afraid to go alone, I will be glad to go with you and reconcile the matter.”

Matt. 18:15-17 says, “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear you, take with you one or two more, that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.” Or one who does not know Jesus and now you should be concerned for his very soul!

We are not to take on our fellow Christian’s personal offenses. Nor should we harbor ill-will against a person for what they did to someone else. God’s ways are not our ways. We must separate ourselves from the world. If you have people in your life that expect you to take on their offenses, Titus 3:10 has the answer. “Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time. After that, have nothing to do with him.” TITUS 3:10.

I know I will be tempted to be offended on someone else’s behalf. But unlike the Hulk, I have a choice. I can allow the Holy Spirit to do a work in me regarding this and ask for His help when tempted. My focus? To be a peacemaker, defend others’ reputation by not taking part in gossip and letting love rule all that I do.

Ok.  I know that this is not going to be a popular post.

There is unexpected freedom in the exposing of hidden sin! There are so many sins that we keep hidden in our lives, but God in His work to make us more like Christ, doesn’t allow them to remain.  As Christians, we are miserable until we give in to the Holy Spirit’s voice in our lives.  Is is possible that there are many Christians walking around with sin that they keep hidden?  Yes.  And this is dangerous.  If we do not allow Christ to deal with our hidden sin we will become hardened.   We will find it easy to continue in sin going deeper and deeper into sin.  We will become critical and judgmental of others,  becoming self righteous thinking that if we expose sin in others, maybe no one will see the ugliness of our own hidden sin.

The love of God causes us to look inward not outward in judgement.

I heard God’s sweet tugging in my heart about something this I had so hidden that I had almost completely forgotten about.  So very hidden that I thought surely God was letting it go!  Oh, how I delude myself!  Oh, how I lie!

But I was miserable.  For two weeks I prayed, I begged God.  I asked Him to do it.  God said, “Rayne, you must do this.  You must ask for forgiveness, you must expose this sin, before I can work in you.”  My husband knew that something was wrong.  That I was struggling with something.  I told him that God was dealing with me about something, and that I needed him to pray with me.  Who was this person that God wanted me to go to?  My husband.

I prayed to God and asked God to do it for me.  It was big.  It was ugly.  It was monumental.  I asked God to prepare my husband.  To even possibly tell him for me!  ”God, please just somehow let him know!”  I pleaded.  God was firm.  I continued in my misery.

Finally after many nights of trying to articulate my issue to my husband,  he looked at me and said, “Rayne, you do not have to tell me anything.  Nothing you have done wrong will affect the way I feel about you or my love for you.  You do not have to tell me.”  I clung to this.  God!  I don’t have to tell him!

God held firm.  ”What?!  You heard what he said!”  I argued to God.
God held firm.  I looked sorrowfully at my husband.  My husband said, “Rayne, you don’t have to tell me.  But you have to tell me for you.  You have to tell me because God is telling you to.  You must be obedient.  God wants you to do it for you.  Not for me.”

So I told him.  It was hard.

Oh, how sin is ugly.  Ugly.  I so hate it in my life!

“He who is often rebuked, and hardens his neck, will suddenly be destroyed, and that without remedy” (Proverbs 29:1).  In Hebrews 3:7-4:10 there is a warning against hardening your heart and to respond immediately to the voice of God. God’s overtures can be resisted and rejected, but it can be a dangerous thing for a Christian to say no to God when He asks us to make right with Him our hidden sin.

We are bound and tied to the weight of sin. It is the enemy’s lie that I am safer hiding my sin.  It is because God loves me that He tells me that I must expose my sin.  I must see the ugliness of my sin next to a Holy God. Unless there is a genuine turning away from known sin in my life I cannot live in the power of the Holy Spirit.  I realize that now.
What good can come from the exposure of our sin?

• Repentance-  I can humbly go before God and ask his forgiveness for sin. Realize the ugliness of that sin, make the choice to turn away from that sin and make a covenant with God to not repeat that sin.

• Love- My love for and friendship with Jesus grows as I realize more and more how undeserving I truly am of His amazing and redeeming love!

• Humility- The exposure of my sin produces a knowledge that I am incapable of anything good outside of the work of Christ in me.   My own goodness does not measure up.

• Fellowship and Growing- I am so thankful for Christ’s forgiveness and to the Holy Spirit for making me miserable until things were made right.  God heard me.  I prayed to Him.  But my spiritual growing was paused until I did what God asked me to do.

• Love of Others- Feeling the forgiveness and love showered on me as I am humbled at God’s contiued work in me.  He still loves me even though I sinned!  I am slower to judge harshly the sinfulness of others and more likely to love them and hurt for them.

• Blessings- I can be a blessing to others who are struggling in their sin.  I can expose the same sin again as God leads me to as I minister to others.  This will encourage others to come and be obedient to God as they, too, walk in obedience to God in their lives.

• The Word of God- My obedience to God in exposure of sin drives me back to seeking the truth and the promises in God’s Word. Seeking strength in knowing the truth. Seeking power over future sin through reading and feeding on His Word.

The ugliness and pain of sin and the effects it has on our lives causes us to long for Christ’s return all the more and to be done with this world!  For Christians, this is not our home!

Yes, there is unexpected freedom in the exposing of hidden sin. I am so glad that He does not let them remain.  May I always be willing to hear His voice in my heart and regularly pray that God would expose my sin. May my heart desire God and His glory more than my own.  Oh God, make your desires my desires.   May I be willing to be weak, so that Your strength may be shown in my life so that I may be a blessing to others and to You.  For this is what I am created for.  To glorify you.  To refect your love and glory.  I cannot do that if my windows are dirty.

Thus says the High and Lofty One who inhabits eternity, who’s name is Holy:  “I dwell in the high and holy place, with him who has a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble.  And to revive the heart of the contrite ones.”  Isaiah 57:15

Pride can be deadly.  It will rob you of the blessings of obedience.  I am convinced that pride makes you an enemy of God.  Pride can kill your relationship with the one, true, living God.  The God of Abraham.  God can only use a man or woman who has been set free.  Who has given up all they are to Jesus.  Given every little thing to Him.  When was the last time you prayed and said, “God, who I am is yours.  Show me today what is keeping me from a intimate love for You.  Expose my hidden secrets.  My hidden sin.  Break me, then rebuild me to be just like You.”

Do you want to rekindle the fire you once had with Jesus.  Or have you ever had it?  A passion burning to serve Him?  He can revive our hearts and mend the broken pieces of our lives.  He can reconcile broken relationships in our lives.  But in all begins with brokenness and humility.  There is no other way.

How do I humble myself?  How can I have a spirit of brokenness?  It is easy.  But it is hard.

You know that thing that God told you to do.  And you did not do it.  You pushed it away.  Why?  For many reasons.  You made up reasons.  I can’t be obedient to God because ___________.   You fill in the blank.  I cannot confess my sin!  I am a leader in the church!  It would hurt the ones I love if I expose who I REALLY am!

I think many of us are afraid of the ides of brokenness because there are misconceptions about what brokenness really means.  As is true in many other areas, our idea of brokenness and God’s idea of brokenness are usually quite different.  Some think you have to be sad and gloomy, walking around with a frown on your face.  Many imagine that broken people never smile or laugh.  In reality, though, brokenness brings a release, which produces a profound sense of joy and peace in our lives.  True brokenness is not a feeling or an emotion.  It is a choice- an act of the will.  It is daily agreeing with God about the true condition of your heart.  Who are you REALLY?  Only you and God know.  Many of us never go this deep with God, but brokenness is a shattering of my self-will.  The total exposure and surrender of my will to God.  It is saying, “I cannot do this anymore on my own.  Yes, Lord, here I am.”  Brokenness is the stripping of sel-reliance and independence from God.

The broken person

• has no confidence in his own righteousness or his own works, but he is cast in total dependence upon the grace of God working in and through him.
• is receptive and responsive to God’s Word.
• walks in transparent honesty and humility before God
• is humble and broken before others
• do not focus on the sin of others
• has nothing to hide- they focus on the truth
• can be used by God to be a blessing to those around them
• are compassionate; they forgive easily because they know how much they have been forgiven
• talk to God in intercession, rather than gossiping about the faults they see in others
• see others as better than themselves
• are motivated to serving others needs before their own
• are not preoccupied with what others think of them
• are willing to take the risks of getting close to others and loving intimately
• can accept responsibility and acknowledge where they were wrong in a situation
• take the initiative to be reconciled, no matter how wrong the other party may have been
• trust God and rest in Him and are able to wait for Him to act on their behalf.  (They do not defend themselves)

Are you able to confess specifics when confessing your sin?  “Lord, I agree with you that I am prideful in my work, that I am addicted to the television, I have a critical spirit, I am an angry wife, I eat too much…”  The proud only confess generalities when speaking to God.  What is the true condition of your heart?  Is your sin ugly to you?  It is ugly to God.  We must grieve that our sin has hurt and dishonored God.  If Jesus is your friend, are you sorry that you betrayed Him with your sin?  To be truly broken, we must be more than just sorry that we were caught or sorry for the problems that sin has created in their lives.

Pride will blind you and if you are full of it, you will lie to yourself… you will tell  yourself, “I do not have hidden sin that needs to be confessed before God!”  Pride will cause you to put your focus on the ways of the world and not on the true condition of your own heart.  You may be even thinking to yourself, “Boy, do I know who needs to read this!”

Confess your sin specifically to God today.  Ask Him to make you aware of what you need to do to be clean before Him.  This is a choice.  Freedom and peace is waiting for you!

Remember that broken people need to maintain a continual heart attitude of repentance before God daily- hour by hour.

Whenever I am speaking to a group of women and I say those two words together, the women are shocked.  God and Sex.

We live in an overly sensuous culture.  I remember when i first read Song of Solomon at 16yrs old. I was shocked!  This in the Bible? Our culture has twisted and made ugly what God created and if you listen to the worldview of sex long enough it will start to affect you and change you.

God is not embarrassed by the subject of sex. Rather, He tackles sexuality from Genesis to Revelation, offering safeguards and protective boundaries while highlighting the exhilaration and intimacy it offers.  Intimacy is God’s gift to married couples and when it is kept there it is beautiful. Otherwise it is ugly.  It may not seem ugly at first but it will suck you in.

I am speaking with a group of married women who are between 22-29 years old this Friday night about the hope of God healing the pain of lost intimacy in their marriages mainly because they woke love before its time (Song of Solomon 2:7) “Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up, until the right time.”  (Message Bible)  Because a lot of these women did stuff BEFORE marriage… they have a twisted view of it now and are having problems with their husbands.  They are NEWLY married!  Wow, and already having issues of not wanting to have sex with their husbands.  What’s up with that?

Sex is like glue. Super ‘human ‘glue. Inside marriage, God designed it to be a bond that is powerful and unifying. Outside of marriage, the bonds of sex can be devastating. Long after the lover is gone, the bond we’ve created stays with us, negatively impacting our lives and future relationships.

You’ve had sex.
But now sex has you.
It’s a past that haunts the present. Sabotaged relationships, low self-esteem, sexual dysfunction, an empty spiritual life. Sex will bind you up and tie you down. Why? It’s just sex.
But “just sex”means your body, soul, mind, and spirit have become one with another.
This is serious stuff.  I was listening to Family Life Today with Dennis Rainey and Barbara Wilson was on there.  She wrote a book called:
The Invisible Bond: How to Break Free from Your Sexual Past

It combines scientific research with Scripture to offer striking new insights about ‘what’ sexual bonding is, ‘why’ it is harmful, and ‘how’ to move freely into your future.

Great book.

Ecclesiastes chapter 3

Can I trust God?

The first two chapters of Ecclesiastes is a focus on Life without God and the meaninglessness of that.

In chapter 3 Solomon focuses on the fact that God is in control and that I can take comfort in that. I can rest in that knowledge. God has a time and purpose for every moment and situation in my life. The secret to peace with God is to discover, accept and appreciate God’s perfect timing. There is danger in me doubting or resenting God’s timing.
I like the story of Joseph. His brothers conspired to kill him, then they decided to sell him into slavery instead. In his life, Joseph trusted God. He went to prison, the cook forgot about him… but God was there saying, “Trust me, Joseph.” In the dark times. God is there.
What are the times in my life that really shaped me to be who I am today? The pain. The dark. The betrayals. The lies and the hurts. When I chose to rest in God.

To wait and give those to Him.

I may not know the whole plan of God. The BIG picture. But He does.
That must be good enough for me. That IS good enough for me.

He has built a restless yearning in my heart for the kind of perfect world that can only be found in taking comfort, rest and peace in Him. What I have are gifts from God. Can I leave my home unlocked and not be concerned with thieves and robbers. Can I rest in the fact that my treasure is in Him and not what I have or what can be taken away from me. Bad times will come- but God will turn them to good.

My purpose in life is to stand in awe of God because of Who He Is! My purpose in life starts with who I know, not what I know or how good I am. Can I trust God with my life? Can I give every part of it to Him?
Why do bad things happen? Do I blame God for bad things that happen? It is not God’s desire that evil occurs. People sin. God gave us free will because He loves us. Could he step in? Yes. One day He will. Evil happens and there will be justice. God will ultimately bring this about in His appointed time. Is it possible that we as human beings do not know everything? YES! God did not cause members of my family to treat me horribly a few years ago. But because I trust God, I have learned to forgive and love them with the power of the Holy Spirit because of it. He could have rescued me from this situation. And this was bad. And this was wrong. But He made good from it instead. I would never have learned true forgiveness if I had not lived through it. I do not have cancer but one day will I look at cancer in my body and say, “Me and God and this Cancer… it is an opportunity to grow closer to God and to allow him to make me more like Him” ?

I cannot pass judgment on God because I do not know the Big picture. Is is so hard to trust Him?

My life (everyone’s) has a unique purpose in God’s overall plan. I cannot discover this on my own. Walking everyday with Jesus Christ and building this friendship- asking Him and wanting His opinion on everything- wanting His advice (the Word of God) is the way to walking in His plan for my life. Each day that I do this… more and more… I am learning to trust in God. Because He is there in everything. I can thank Him for the ticks and mosquitoes.

Ecclesiastes chapter 2

What is it all about?!

What I have done wrong cannot be righted. I have had to take a long look at my life so far. Nothing I have done has truly made me happy. My pursuit for wisdom has been a waste. True wisdom is found in God, and true happiness comes from walking with Him and learning from Him and walking in His Word! Do I really want wisdom? Am I ready to pay the price for TRUE wisdom? To find the meaning of life, I must be ready to feel more, think more, question more, hurt more and DO MORE.

There are two kinds of wisdom:
1. Human knowledge, reasoning, or philosophy.
2. The wisdom that comes from God.

Human knowledge ignores God. It cannot provide answers because without God’s eternal perspective and solution it is empty.

As I examine my projects or goals in life I must think: What is my motivation? Without God as my foundation, all I am living for is meaningless. What do I consider worthwhile in my life? Where do I place my time, energy and money? Am I just chasing the wind? I have to work to eat. But if I do these things to leave behind some sort of legacy… I am kidding myself. What is the real reason I am working so hard? Giving and doing my all walking in the Word of God with Christ at my side can lead to everlasting joy! That is what it is all about!

Give all your worries and fears to Him, because He cares for you.

1 Peter 5:7

We went on vacation a couple of years ago to see my adopted momma in West Virginia. I had not seen her in years and I had a lot to pack and bring to her. I started filling up the trunk with stuff and as Mike started bring our essentials (our overnight bags and food for the road) out to pack them in the trunk I started realizing that I couldn’t bring it all with me! There was just not enough room for it all. Mike looked at me with that look of, “You need to get some of that stuff out of there!”. I had a hard time deciding and ended up having to leave most of it behind. I put a box of things at my feet in the passenger floorboard and some in the back with Beth, but as we drove the 13 hour trip I realized that the little bit extra I had decided to pack beneath my feet kept getting in my way. Halfway through the trip I wanted to pitch it! Why had I decided to bring so much?

God has a great life planned for me. A race to run. Walking with Christ as my friend, teacher, companion I have gone where I have never been and have been blessed to serve in ways I would have never dreamed.

But I had to unpack some stuff. My deep relationship with Christ really started when I listened to Him when He wooed me to give up a sin in my life. To give that heavy load to Him. And not pick it up again. One at a time He spoke to me. As I dropped each one of the things I realized I started to feel free. Light. I am still on this journey. As He speaks to me about other things… but of the things I have dropped I am free of them! Free! Imagine that?!

How can I offer peace if I am full of fear?
How can I offer comfort if I have not given Jesus my sadness?
How can I share grace if I am full of guilt?
How can I offer forgiveness if I have not given God my anger?
How can I give mercy if my heart is full of judgment?
How can I ease someone else’s burden if my arms are full of my own?

I cannot bring it all with me on this race. It will weigh me down too much. I will tire easily. Jesus asks me to set them down and trust Him. Trust Him to free me. I cannot run this race in my own strength. I need to pack light and be ready at a moment’s notice. Who knows what’s next?

When I was a little girl I loved Hot Wheels cars. I had a whole sack full of them that I had scrounged from yard sales. Some were old and scratched up, some were new. They were made of metal and the wheels worked and I loved them. My neighbor, Brian, who was also 8 years old had his collection, too. We would play with them in my backyard where the grass was sparse and there was plenty of loose dirt. By using our hands and various hand made tools and a small spade, we were able to shape the dirt and make our own little village, complete with roads, bridges, and elaborate housing developments made up of pieces of stones, grass and moss. We even dug streams and rivers, used the garden hose to fill them with water and built intricate bridges over them with wooden rulers and Popsicle sticks. Some of our layouts were pretty impressive.

But they never lasted.

No matter how much time we spent building our village, it was always a wreck by the next morning. If the wind didn’t blow it away and the rain didn’t wash it away, my dog “Bear Bear” would stomp through it fifty times or decide to stretch out and take a nap on top of it. But this never upset us. In fact, we expected it. Even as 8 year olds, we understood that things made out of dirt and dust are weak and fragile.

I have never really thought about it before, but I am made out of dust. Genesis 2:7 says, “And the Lord God formed a man’s body from the dust of the ground and breathed into it the breath of life.” This is why I’m so weak. Why I am never able to be as good as I want to be. Why I have ended up chucking every New Years Resolution before Valentines Day. And why the same old temptations keep tripping me up over and over again.

Many people are confused, alarmed, or worried about their inability to stay on the straight and narrow. Even the apostle Paul said, “I don’t understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do the very thing I hate” (Romans 7:15). But it is not a mystery- our weakness. We are weak because we are human. This is easily the biggest problem I personally face when it comes to aiming to live a life of truth- of honor- of God.

But Jesus understands my problem and takes it in consideration in His dealings with me. Psalm 103:13-14 says, “The Lord is like a father to His children, tender and compassionate to those who have reverential awe of Him. For He understands how weak we are: he knows we are only dust.”

Not too long ago, I was (and still sometimes struggle) going through the painful process of trying to break an addiction. I carried around a bunch of cards that I had written some verses from the Bible that helped me focus on Jesus, in time of temptation. Verses that shown a light of truth on my addiction and the lies I was telling myself. When tempted, I pulled the tattered and worn cards out and would say them aloud to myself. What was the one that encouraged her the most? You guessed it. Psalm 103: 13-14.
Somehow I had grown up with the belief that Jesus (God) was a strict disciplinarian who was watching my every move, just waiting for me to slip up. The guilt and fear that image created in me was drowning and suffocating. Then one day I read David’s words from Psalm 103, and it was as if the sun broke through the clouds in an amazing blaze. The words “tender” and “compassionate” were words I had never associated with God. Suddenly, I had a whole new appreciation for Jesus, a deeper love for Him than ever before, and a stronger desire than ever to walk with Him and build our friendship, and learn all I could about my friend.

The REAL Jesus.

He understands my weakness and my feelings of shame and guilt. And he does not condemn me or point out my mistakes or say “Ah HA!” when I fail and fall. Instead, its amazing… His compassion and love for me causes me to want to do better and causes me to HATE sin as He does. Hate it so much that I no longer want to be a part of it. To bring my focus to Him… not to the world. I find if I spend my time sitting and talking to Him and reading His Word He starts to speak to me.

He reached out to me just as I was- in my sin. I did not have to change for Him… I just started to say no to my weaknesses and ask Him for help. No I have not “made it” but I have realized being a Christian is a process- an everyday choice. Not so much an event. A choice to say everyday, “Jesus, show me today. I’m giving it to You.” The REAL Jesus in me.